| Character | Stats | Unlock | Special Ability | Traits | Starting Items | Description |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 Assassin |
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Stealthily moves through the shadows and murders people from behind. One day dreamed of assassinating a president or military leader, but has so far had to settle for rich old ladies and the occasional rich feline heir. Hey, a job's a job! When the Assassin heard about the growing unrest against the mayor, a murderous spirit within was renewed! | |||
 Bartender |
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None |
Everyone loves the friendly Bartender! One of the few people willing to listen to you drone on about how your job is crap, the opposite sex doesn't like you, and you're thinking of 'ending it all in a rain of gunfire and carnage'. Blah blah blah! But the bartender remains understanding and discrete to their core. Fun fact, the Bartender also serves alcohol. | ||
 Bouncer |
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None |
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Coming Soon | |
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None |
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Coming Soon |
 Comedian |
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Whether expounding on the differences between races or lamenting a recent online date gone hi-lariously bad, the Comedian has no shortage of worldview-expanding and totally non-hacky material. While their jokes can be polarizing at times, the comedian lives to be loved, and won't be happy until everyone laughs DAMMIT! | |||
 Cop |
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Follows the Law of the Land unflinchingly, even if it doesn't always make perfect sense. Despite this, the Cop became disenchanted with the current government after a law was passed preventing more than four people from dancing side by side, sadly forcing the Cop's Village People cover group to disband. | |||
 Doctor |
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One of the few true pacifists in this dangerous world. Indeed, the Doctor is very skilled at 'pacifying' people. With chloroform. But business is currently booming, what with all the beating being administered by Cops since the Mayor's new "Law of the Land" was put in place. Despite the extra cash flow, the Doctor would rather the streets be safe, and has decided to join the Resistance. | |||
 Drug Dealer |
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None |
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Coming Soon | |
 Gangster (Crepe) |
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None |
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Joined the Crepes after witnessing their mother being murdered at the hands of a Blahd. Actually, it wasn't a Blahd, it was just a naked man with extreme full-body rosacea. And it wasn't a murder, they were just fornicating! The Gangster probably needs to have their vision checked. | |
 Gangster (Blahd) |
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None |
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Joined the Blahds after witnessing their father being murdered at the hands of a Crepe. Actually, it wasn't a Crepe, it was just a naked woman doing Avatar cosplay. And it wasn't a murder, they were just fornicating! The Gangster probably needs to have their vision checked. | |
 Gorilla |
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This beast was raised in a science lab and given experimental drugs that made them hyper-intelligent. Lacks the ability to speak English and smells like your Uncle Denny's used toilet brush, but they're super-fast and ridiculously strong. Hates scientists with a burning passion, a sentiment that goes both ways. | |||
 Ghost |
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None |
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None |
Coming Soon |
 Goon |
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None |
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Coming Soon |
 Hacker |
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Has ambitions of hacking the planet because they were trashing the flow of data. TRASHING!!!! But will realistically settle for your parents' webcam. What Hacker worth their weight in salt doesn't want to take down the system? Joining the Resistance was a no-brainer for this societal outcast. Also no-brainers: Cheetos and not showering. .....Stereotypes. | ||
 Investment Banker
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None |
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"Greed is good! So are drugs!" This is the motto that the Investment Banker lives by. Predictably, this has led them to significant wealth and a crippling drug addiction... Party party party! It's an extreme lifestyle (And gameplay style) that's not for everyone. | |
 Jock |
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When not administering wedgies, swirlies, and Indian sunburns to nerds, the Jock enjoys running into walls at high speeds. When scientists contended that this behavior destroys brain cells, the Jock passionately argued that it actually RESTORES brain cells, ironically giving more validity to the scientists' claims. Scientists backed down after receiving the most severe purple nurples of their lives. | |||
 Office Drone |
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None |
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Coming Soon | |
 Resistance Leader
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None |
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None |
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Coming Soon |
 Scientist |
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None |
Has devoted their life to advancing science and torturing gorillas. As a result of the former, the Scientist has acquired a number of fun toys to take on their adventure. While they would probably prefer to be testing these toys on caged gorillas in the name of scientific progress (read: undiagnosed sadism), the Scientist has joined the Resistance due to the Mayor cutting beaker allowances to 1 per laboratory. | ||
 Shapeshifter |
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The Shapeshifter has been sent to Earth from the heavens to clean up the mess caused by the Mayor. Unfortunately, the Shapeshifter's earthly appearance is that of a demonic-looking little naked person (it's just pink eye, OK?), which is not really ideal for functioning in society. Fortunately, the Possession Stone allows the ShapeShifter to hop into and out of people's bodies, making life on Earth a whole lot easier! | |||
 Shopkeeper |
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None |
Is often known for being very critical of his fellow roguelike shopkeepers, referring to his contemporaries who set up shop in the middle of dungeons as "frigging idiots with no common sense". Prefers to do business in populated areas that aren't surrounded by deadly monsters. | ||
 Slave |
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None |
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Coming Soon | |
 Slavemaster |
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None |
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Coming Soon |
 Slum Dweller |
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None |
Starting from nothing, the humble Slum Dweller is willing to rise up and do whatever it takes to make it in this crazy world. This typically involves beating up random people for their cash, and scouring trash barrels for bacon cheeseburgers. A true personification of the American Dream! | ||
 Soldier |
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None |
The Soldier aspires to fight for the city. Unfortunately there are no wars going on right now. So why not create one? That's where the Resistance comes in. Rather than sitting around twiddling their thumbs, the soldier will now have the opportunity to fight the good fight -- and maybe even commit a few atrocities in the process! Hoo-ah!!! | ||
 Thief |
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Pretty much the worst thief who has ever lived. Actually dresses in stereotypical burglar garb. Ridiculous. This was done out of tremendous insecurities -- they thought it would make them feel like more of a professional criminal. It didn't. Will the Thief ever conquer their imposter syndrome? | |||
 Vampire |
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Sucks people's blood not out of absolute necessity, but is actually just a really picky eater. This pickiness extends to the Vampire's social circles. Recently overheard: "Why does this zombie keep texting me to hang out? It's like, dude, just cause we're both undead doesn't mean we're besties. All you do is whine about politics." | |||
 Werewolf |
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Up until this point, the Werewolf has only used their powers for two things: 1. Winning high school basketball games, and 2. Viciously mauling people. Werewolf does not consider either of these things to be a worthwhile use of thier time, and feels like their life is stuck in a rut. Thanks to the Resistance. they'll hopefully be able to use their powers for some good -- all while having a howl-ingly good time! | |||
 Worker |
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None |
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Coming Soon |
 Wrestler |
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Manhandling, smashing, beating -- all in a day's work for the simple-minded but strong-of-heart Wrestler! But in truth, this behavior stems from the Wrestler's severe frustrations with the world. Why has the mayor banned playful roughhousing? Why do so many businesses frown upon shirtlessness? Why do books have all those stupid words in them? AAARRRGH!!! |
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